How do I get Married?
What is special about Christian Marriage?
Marriage is not exclusive to Christianity. We do, however, believe that it is something given by God as part of his creation, and we believe that Christian marriage has an added dimension to it.
When a couple gets married in Church, they are not merely making vows to each other in the presence of human witnesses, but in the presence of God, represented by his minster, and they receive his blessing. Christian marriage is one of the Sacraments of the church - the outward signs of making vows, joining hands and giving and receiving rings signify a deeper spiritual reality - the beginning of a lifelong loving union which reflects, however imperfectly, the loving and faithful bond between Christ and his Church.
Traditionally, the Church has recognised three aspects of Christian Marriage: their faithfulness to one another through good times and bad, the bodily union which leads to the birth of children, and the privilege of mirroring Christ's love for his church in the sacramental bond.
Can I get married at St Thomas'?
From 1st October 2008 the rules are changing - up until then it's been necessary for one of you to live in the parish or be on the electoral roll for the church you wish to marry in. From October you will be able to marry at St Thomas' provided one of you has a demonstrable connection. Qualifying connections include:
- One of you was baptised at St Thomas' or confirmed as a member of this parish (recorded in our confirmation register)
- Your parents or grandparents were married at St Thomas'
- One of you has lived in the parish as your main residence for at least six months (even if you no longer live here); or your parents have lived in the parish for a six month period during your lifetime
- You or your parents have habitually worshipped here for a period of at least six months (even if you no longer habitually worship here)
If you wish to apply for marriage with one of these qualifying connections, you will need to talk to us and be prepared to provide evidence of the connection. These new rules do not affect current residents or church members, who are still entitled to marry in their parish church.
What to expect at St Thomas'
If you wish to get married at St Thomas' you should get in touch with us well in advance, and before booking your reception venue etc, as we cannot guarantee that your preferred date will be available. Ideally, you should drop in to the Church Centre or telephone during the Wednesday evening office hour, 7pm - 8pm, as this is when we usually deal with marriage applications.
Before your wedding day, you will be asked to attend a Marriage Preparation Day at St Thomas', usually held early in the new year, with other couples getting married at St Thomas'. Nearer the time, we will also arrange an individual meeting with you and the priest who will officiate at your wedding to discuss the details of the service itself, and you will also be asked to attend a wedding rehearsal a day or two beforehand.
Divorce and Remarriage
The Church of England continues to uphold the ideal that marriage is an unbreakable bond and lifelong union. Sadly, couples do fall apart and sometimes a relationship breaks down irretreivably. In such cases, a civil divorce may be the best way of limiting the harm to the couple themselves and to any children, but the fact that a bond has been created between the couple cannot be changed. Under some very limited circumstances a subsequent marriage may be permitted, but this is entirely at the discretion of the parish priest who will need quite detailed information about the situation; another option is that a civil marriage may be blessed in church.
Banns
There are certain legal preliminaries to getting married in the Church of England. The most usual way of satisfying the requirements is to have 'Banns' of marriage read in (i) the church where you are getting married and (ii) the church(es) of the parish(es) where both of you live. This is a way of asking the local community if they know of any reason in law why you cannot marry. Objections are very rare - the only legitimate reasons to object are that one of you is already married, or you are related, or under the age of consent - but this is a necessary formality. Banns are read on three Sundays up to three months before the date of the wedding. Our practice at St Thomas' is to read them at the end of the 10am Parish Mass on the first three Sundays of the month preceeding your wedding. There is no obligation to attend, but many couples do come at least once. If you are getting married at St Thomas', we will deal with the banns at St Thomas' as part of the process, and tell you where else you need to get banns read. If you are getting married elsewhere and want to arrange to have your banns read at St Thomas' because one of you lives in the parish (and you may want to check this using the 'Parish Finder' on this page) then you should come to our Wednesday evening office hour, 7pm-8pm in the Church Centre (no appointment necessary). There is a statutory fee, so it is helpful if you bring a chequebook.
Resources
- The Church of England's Marriage Service
- Guide to Marriage in the Church of England
- Relate (relationship and marriage guidance)
Parish Finder
Even with the revised rules it is useful to know which is your parish church, as you will need to have Banns read there. Enter your postcode to find out:
NB: Couples wishing to marry before 1st October 2008 will still need to satisfy the exisiting residency requirements.